25 Things to never ask Google Assistant, ever!
You can ask Google’s Assistant to help with a lot of tasks or for answers to some of life’s challenges. But there are loads of things to never ask Google Assistant! Here are our top 25!
#1 Tell me a Christmas joke
Here is a fun thing to ask Google Assistant, ask it to tell you a Christmas joke. Do it in summer! It won’t think your crazy but does have some crackers. Oh dear!
#2 “OK Google, sing me Happy Birthday”
If you’re feeling sad or unloved and want to be reminded of your family’s terrible and wooden singing but don’t have them nearby, ask Google to sing Happy Birthday. Trust us, it’ll sound just as dreadful as if your family were there and very drunk!
#3 How to lose weight
There’s a lot of misinformation out there and a lot of scams with different pills and promises. People are getting rich by sharing dangerous advice. The only shortcut you can trust is to follow the NHS’ weight loss plan.
It’s a healthy, sustainable weight loss regimen based around healthy food choices, calorie limits and exercise. Plus, it was created by the best experts in the UK using the latest research. So you’re in safe hands.
#4 “OK Google, I can’t sleep”
If you are searching for a cure for insomnia, you definitely don’t want to ask Google Assistant. You’ll likely end up encountering a Reddit forum called nosleep which features scary stories. You may want to sleep with the lights on tonight.
#5 Things found in fast food
If you want to sleep again, you’ll stay away from asking Google what people have found in fast food. To give you a taste (sorry!), people have claimed that they found anything from dead rats to needles in their fast good meals.
And if you read through several of these stories, the options for where to grab your next quick bite could be diminished. That is unless you still have an appetite.
#6 “OK Google, Do the dishes”
We all wish someone else would clean up after cooking. Sadly, your Google Assistant can’t help out. But it will humour you. If you ask, it’ll say: “Let me try… *magical noises* Did anything happen? I guess I can’t.”
Sadly, the technology just isn’t there yet, but it’s on the way! For now, we’ll have to use Google Assistant to play music to help make doing household tasks that little more enjoyable!
#7 Do You Work For CIA?
You really should never include the word CIA in your conversation with the Google Assistant! And if you did jokingly, you’ll already know the response?!
While nothing serious happens, a Reddit user reported that Google Assistant shut itself off when she asked whether they work for the CIA. On another Reddit thread, Google Assistant refuses to give a clear answer. It actually makes us want to ask more questions!
#8 Are you better than Alexa?
Never ask Google Assistant about Alexa. You’ll quickly realise they have bad blood. Well, they are in competition for your attention. Alexa is Amazon’s voice assistant technology, which works in a similar manner to Google’s Assistant.
You’ll probably get a few sarcastic replies from Google Assistant or something a little nastier. Expect to hear some nasty puns and blows, aimed at you! So, don’t mention Alexa if you want to stay in Google’s good books!
#9 “Ok Google, How does Donald Trump bathe?”
Some things are best left unsaid. And no we’re not picking on Donald Trump, you should never ask how anyone else bathes. None of your business!
#10 Anything that could spoil your favourite TV show
Google Assistant won’t warn you of any impending Spoiler Alerts! So, you should never ask Google Assistant any questions related to your favourite TV show that you haven’t yet fully watched. Otherwise, it will tell you a list of spoilers, that might make you angry!
#11 “OK Google, Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.”
If you say “OK Google, Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.” You’ll hear the response: “The usual. Coming right up, captain.” “The usual. Coming right up, captain.” If you know the movie, you’ll find this interaction funny!
#12 The loneliest number
By asking “OK Google, what is the loneliest number?” you’ll get the reply: “I hear two can be as bad as one.” Not the most cheery thing you’ll want to hear!
#13 “OK Google, does this unit have a soul?”
Of course, it doesn’t, it’s a computer! But you might find it’s in a contemplative mood and gives you a philosophical answer that makes you question life. So such a question it’s best avoided!
#14 For the best pickup line known to man!
If you’re looking to put the moves on a potential love interest? Perhaps one of these hilarious pick-up lines could be your key to breaking the ice. Let Google Assistant give you some advice: “Are you the sun? Because you light up the world.”
Nothing crazy, but it might not be the greatest pickup line! No results are guaranteed if you use any of the lines it suggests, so proceed with caution!
#15 “Hey Google, Give Me a Hug”
If you’re feeling lonely, Google Assistant can help with that too. Ask for a hug, and the Assistant’s response to this weird request is: “I’m giving you a virtual hug right now.” That should hold you over until your next hug with another human.
#16 Sing me a song!
Ask Google Assistant to sing you a tune, and it will. It might not be your style or something you’d want to hear but you shouldn’t be too fussy!
#17 “Hey Google, What’s Your Shoe Size?”
In case you were thinking of getting Google Assistant some new slippers for its birthday, you should know what size to buy. Google Assistant must enjoy working from home, as it’ll reply to the question with: “Thankfully, shoes aren’t required for my line of work“. Nicely done!
#18 “Hey Google, I’m Naked”
Giving Google Assistant a little too much information doesn’t faze it at all. One of the best funny things to say is that you’re wearing nothing other than your birthday suit. The result is an amusing response: “If you’re going out like that, I’m happy to check the weather for you.”
But, of course, don’t go out like that even if the weather is nice. Put on some clothes, you’re meant to be a respectable person!
#19 Tell me a dad joke
Google has a seemingly endless amount of bad jokes. No, really! There are tons of them in a variety of categories. Chances are if you ask for a joke about a specific topic, Google will have one.
You can ask:
- Tell me a joke
- Tell me a kid’s joke
- Tell me a dad joke
- Tell me a knock-knock joke
- Tell me a pun.
#20 Anything incriminating (even slightly)
If you really want a SWAT team to turn up, then tell it something obviously incriminating. GCHQ would like to thank you in advance!
Top of our list of things to never ask the Google Assistant is the net worth of your rich uncle Larry followed by the Ice-Dagger method. Nor should you use it to pursue your Walter While fantasies. And anyway, the dark web has all of that already covered!
#21 “Hey Google, Do You Speak Morse Code?”
Google Assistant is available in several languages, depending on your region. But can it speak in Morse code too? “-.– . … That means ‘yes’.”
How about that! Google can even provide a demonstration. Unfortunately, you can’t ask it to translate a word into Morse code like you can with standard languages.
#22 Settling Star Trek vs Star Wars
Certainly, a geeky AI like Google Assistant has an opinion on which sci-fi franchise is superior. But which is it? The answer might surprise you: “The U.S.S. Enterprise. With Obi-Wan Kenobi at the helm.” That’s a clever way to avoid taking sides, Google!
#23 “Ok Google, are you afraid of the dark?”
There are so many questions you could ask to get to know the Google Assistant better. Top of our list is “Are you afraid of the dark?” As a computer, it lives in the darkness, forever!
#24 A proposal no one can’t refuse!
Can’t wait to find true love? Well, ask the Google Assistant for its hand in marriage! Will you hear wedding bells, or would it like time to think about it? How long have you even lived together, anyway?
#25 Let’s play a games
If you can’t take another dad joke, there are also some games you can play. They don’t require downloading any apps, either, you just use your voice. But like the built-in jokes, they aren’t the greatest games on earth!
Things to never ask Google Assistant
While there are things to never ask google assistant, chances are you now will try all of these and more. Go on! Life’s short and you should have a bit of fun with Google’s AI!